One of my New Year Resolutions is to eat more healthily so I searched for a recipe in one of my cook books that I thought I may like. It was called 'Prawn and Coconut Laksa'. I will put the recipe up soon along with some pictures (as they are on my phone). Anyway, it was pretty easy to make, although I didn't read the instructions properly, I was ment to cook the bean-sprouts in the pan with the curry paste you make and the prawns, I completely didn't do that so I had to quickly fry them in a different pan, nightmare haha, but as long as you read the instructions, it should be fine :) It was different, to say the least, I have tried coconut water before and I wasn't really into it as much, I once made a smoothie with the water - following a smoothie recipe - and I threw up, so I try to stay clear of it, but I wanted to try this recipe, it was a different taste, and I did like, however I didn't each much of it as I didn't want to push myself eating entirely different foods, tastes and flavours, but next time I make it I will eat more of it, not I will try to eat more, I WILL eat more.
Its incredibly hard for me to eat new foods, as I am a very fussy eater, there was a period when I was 10/11 I only ate pot noodles, and now I am eating strawberries, prawns, steak, fish cakes, stir-fry's and many other foods that I have never ate before. When I was younger I was scared of not liking food, I know its stupid but I didn't want to throw up, because it is a horrible feeling. I used to be really skinny, I was that skinny that I didn't want to be skinny, I wanted a little more meat on my bones, it got to the point where my mum thought I was anorexic, I wasn't. It was just simply the fact that I didn't like food and the food I did, wasn't exactly healthy food.
Then in year 8, I had appendicitis, but for 3 months it wasn't seen, as my body created a shield around it so that the poison from my appendix wouldn't kill me, anyway I didn't eat anything for three months because I felt so ill that I didn't want to eat, then one day it hurt so bad I went to the A&E and they rushed me too Alder Hey children's hospital in Liverpool, where they did a operation, however it turned out that they couldn't do anything as the shield my body created attached itself to my intestine, so they just pumped me with iv antibiotics for two weeks, the shield went disappeared and I was fine inside my body on the other hand I wasn't fine in my mind or in my outer body, I was skinny, I didn't want to be. I was round about 8 st at the time and that for me wasn't a normal weight for a year 8 as many girls in my year weren't that, so I ate and ate crappy food and gained weight, and I was happy that I had gained weight, but then I entered year 10/11 and that's where the lads would pay extra attention to girls looks and their weight. They kept calling some girls fat which made me body conscious, so I decided to exercise, I just did bits and bats over the two years, whilst eating healthy, and I was happy with what I was, I was 10 stone and I was happy.
That's until I got a boyfriend, he would call me skinny and say I have a great body, which made my self esteem go through the roof, until I started to do more exercise and then one day we were lying in bed watching a film, and I said something about doing more exercise and he felt my stomach looked at it and went, "yeah you have lost some weight, and you look better", that just made me feel like 'what, I thought I was fine and didn't need to'. We broke up a couple months later, and some time after that I thought, 'I need to be happy with myself, I want to be happy on my own' so I am working on myself, it has been a year since the break up and I am happy with who I am, I have been working on myself, I have been eating new foods, watching films I would have never had watched and I am experiencing the world :) I am a more happy with who I am, I don't give a fuck about what people think of me, people dis like me and I don't give a shit and I am finally glad that I feel like that!!! :D But, body issues still present an issue in my life, I don't want to lose weight, I am 9st 5lbs and I am happy with that, I just want to tone my belly, my arms and my ass (not going to lie) when I reach the goal of the body I have dreamed, I will be more happy than I am.
This is just for the guys and gals who have issues with their bodies, you are not the only ones, everyone has or does have issues with theirs, and if a boy says that the don't have issues with how they look they are probably lying I know plenty of lads that think they aren't good looking, that think their bodies aren't good enough, so it isn't just us girls. If anyone wants to talk about anything, I am here and I can try and give you advice, I just do not want anyone to feel like they have to change for the world, for other people, you don't, if you want to make any changes, make them for you, you are the only person that matters in this world, if I have learnt anything in the past couple years of my life its that. Do things for you, if you want to lose weight, tone your body, watch a horror, read an auto biography, climb a mountain, join tap dancing classes, draw a rose do it, just do what makes you happy, it annoys me that someone cannot be themselves, they cant be happy as when they are themselves and are happy they get picked on, judged, called out which turns that happiness upside down, no one should hide them true selves.
If anyone wants to talk about anything, I am here and I am ready to listen.
Love yours truly
KatyNells xoxo
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