My friend and her boyfriend have recently broke up, and this made me think of my break up and how, now, it seems like it was years and years ago but in matter of fact it was a year and a half ago. So I thought I'd share what I went through and hopefully it will help you, who is going through this tough time.
When you are in a relationship you feel on top on the world, you feel like you are in utter euphoria, and especially when its your first love you have an idea of what your life will be like together you want to be in love forever as its your first time, but in all honesty this will never happen, being with your first love forever has very low success rate chances, I know this because I am no longer with my first love, and at the time the break up hurt like a bitch, I was constantly crying to the point where my eyes ached for a rest from tears, my head hurt with thought that we are no longer together, and my mind raced with fantasies where I got a text from him saying that he wants me back and wants to never let me go again, images of him showing at my front door with flowers and the biggest apology raced through my mind day in and day out, but like a fantasy it remained un real, the life I had at that moment in time was just tears, sadness and heart ache. Thoughts no one will ever love me, that I will not be able to be myself with someone else, that the only way I could be happy was with him, these thoughts consumed my life, I felt horrible for the way I was as his girlfriend, thinking if I could go back in time and change every argument, change all the times I felt insecure around him, everything I felt I did wrong I wanted to change that. And everything everyone said to me ; "it will take time" "you will find someone else" I didn't want to hear it, all I wanted was him to tell me that he loved me. I was an absolute fucking idiot, all that time I wasted for who? A dick, who broke up with me over text, because I had an argument with his 'best friend', who ruined a Halloween party for me, who made up excuses why he no longer wanted to be with me, a guy who, thinking now, was not my type at all, a knob who confessed to me he wanted me to go to a party with him because he couldn't trust himself when we were together? An absolute twat who kept me in love with him for months after we broke up by using the lines - "we will be friends" "maybe if we still have a spark we can get back together" "I still like you" - But all of this was an attempt of - lets call it 'Fish-hooking', this is where the lad fishes around with some bullshit bait to get you hooked on whatever they are saying so when his life is shit and boring he comes back to you and messes you about, but because you are hooked on whatever dick talking shit he is selling, he reels you in then he fucks off when he has got what he wanted then you are left a sobbing mess moaning to your mum, friends on how much of a twat he is.
And now a lot of time has passed and I am so glad we finished things. The relationship was a good first relationship, but it wasn't what I wanted in one, I wanted excitement, spontaneity, a feeling that we are both free souls but travelling together, and it felt more like a day in a boring classroom having all the energy drained from me from all the fights, worrying, jealously, I didn't like it towards the end. I now know what I want in a relationship and in a guy and I cannot wait for it. I know it feels like now your whole world is crashing, tumbling, crumbling and you feel there is nothing you can do about it, you feel like no one will love you, treat you right, you feel like you will be alone forever, but you wont be. There is someone out there for everyone, I am strong believer of one true loves and soul mates, and that you have to kiss many ugly frogs until your prince magically appears into your life.
Here's how I got through my break up; I wrote down two lists, one that he will miss about me and things I will not miss about him, after I wrote them I ripped them up and chucked them into the bin, I felt a whole lot better because my thoughts were wrote down and the were gone forever never to be thought or seen again. Another thing I did is I wrote a letter to him about everything I thought, everything I felt, everything I wanted to say to him, just wrote it all down, then I kept it in a draw, until a couple of months later I saw it read it and laughed at how pathetic it was how I spent all my time focused on nothing, which I could have spent doing other things, like yoga, origami, reading a book, watching films, just so much time wasted on nothing, I then put it to a bowl and burned it, I then left it outside and I felt great. It does take time, granted, and you have to be patient but you will get over him, the cliché - there's plenty more fish in the sea - is true and believe me you will find someone else, but in the mean time just work on yourself, exercise, read as many books as you want, live your life and be happy, because its your life no one can live it for you, and times passing by so we need to live life and be who we want to be, there's no point dwelling on the past, its no longer there, its gone its disappeared, focus on your present and future.
Love yours truly
KatyNells xoxo
Sunday 15 March 2015
Monday 2 March 2015
February Obsessions
I have been obsessing over loads of stuff this month so id thought id tell you :)
Music
I have been listening to Spotify over and over this month and my favourite playlists are;
- Afternoon Acoustic - This playlist is just so relaxing, light and peaceful. You can listen to it reading a bike, on the bus, driving, studying and even just lying on your bed, blanket, looking at the clouds. I have found three songs that I absolutely adore and they are called;
I have also been obsessed with an artist called Zella Day. I love her songs. Her voice is amazing and every time I listen to any of songs I just picture running on a beach or traveling the world, especially when I listen to 'East Of Eden'. Also I have already decided my first dance song at my wedding, sorry Dylan O'Brien my beautiful future husband but you will not have a say in it. It will be '1965' by Zella Day, this song is just fantabulously beautiful, its so romantic, my favourite line is 'Cut like diamonds we were made to last' I just get shivers every time I hear this song. So make this artist big, her talent is too good to be wasted and not be known.
Books
So I have just finished The Scorch Trials, and like I said in my other post about The Maze Runner READ IT ! Honestly I was on edge wondering what was going to happen and when certain stuff happened I was shocked, I didn't want to put it down, I have even printed a pic of mister Dylan and placed it on my wall 'cause why not? A lot of teenage girls do it so don't judge hahaha but yeah I don't want to spoil it but all I can say is I cannot wait for the film, its put in to my calendar not going to lie, and yes I will be in university when it comes out, I will be a mature, responsible adult buying and cooking my own food, washing my own clothes, doing a degree but I am going to put all that on hold to see the masterpiece of the film in the trilogy. So if you haven't got anything from that paragraph, 1. Buy The Maze Runner books 2. Read them, religiously 3. Buy the dvd and watch the film 4. Watch the film again as there is never too many times to watch it and 5. Go and see The Scorch Trials when it comes out in the cinema --- That's not to hard :)
Lifestyle
Now I have been eating healthier this month, by cutting out crisps and that's it because I saw some chocolate and I was like "me is going to have a piece of that", and I have had waffles nearly every single day, but I did eat them with strawberries so it was a healthy snack, in my eyes anyway, but I have wanted to do the '30 Day Squat' challenge ever since two years ago so I thought the next 30 days are going to pass me no matter what I do so just do it, so I am currently on day 8 of the challenge and I have to do 50 squats which isn't too bad as yesterday I had to do 90 which was a killer, also along side of it I have been doing the '30 Day Abs' challenge and I am on the 8th day but its a rest day so its okay. Now the exercises which you have to are hard well I find the plank hard, its just difficult for me but I have been getting better at it over the week so hopefully in three weeks I will be a master. If you want to better yourself or just want to see if you can stick at something you can get the apps from the app store (I don't know about android phones as I have an iPhone) so download them, try them and you will be amazed at how much you can do and how much you are willing to push yourself to achieve a goal.
Skin
I have been obsessed at moisturizing my skin this week as my eczema is really bad as of the cold weather, so I have been using prescription creams mainly double base and hydrocortisone, to try and calm it down a bit then I have been putting a cocoa body butter from the Body Shop on my face and over some bad eczema patches, and for my whole body I have been using this coconut lotion that I bought from body care, its from Inecto and is called the 'Pure Coconut moisture replenishing body lotion' for me it works and smells gorgeous. And I have been putting on Bio Oil/Rescue Oil onto my scars, and also on my thighs where there are tiny stretch marks, also I have been applying it to my bum to give it moisture, and look smooth and not rough, I know that sounds weird but it sounds right to me if you catch my drift ? Also because of the weather my lips are super dry and keep cracking, and it doesn't help the fact that I had a cold sore developing on my lip and so I prevented it by using cold sore cream and it went straight away, any way to keep my lips from cracking I have been using a mixture of Nivea's lip butters in the raspberry rose, caramel cream and the original lip butter. They keep my lips moisturized, I can top my lips ups, its not sticky so its a good lip butter not to mention they smell gorgeous and the caramel cream reminds me of toffee popcorn.
Hair
This month I have been obsessed with having half of my hair up tied in to a messy bun and half of it down either curled or straight, this style looks goods, doesn't take long to do so can be done in those school rushed mornings. Its good for long length and medium length, I know because my hair was down to my ass and it was so long I loved it but then I got probably round about 6 inches off, and now it goes just past my shoulder blades, most of you are thinking 'omg why get your hair cut' but I have to say there is a story behind it, but that's for another post, however its more manageable, and less knotty which makes my life tonnes more easier. Another style I have been using on repeat is having my fringe being plaited to the back of my head so it looks like I have half a plait crown. I cant explain it but there you go, again its easy to do in a rush, can do it in the toilets of school if you have had enough of the hairstyle you chose, on the bus waiting in line, you don't really need a mirror for it and its easy to do and can be done for virtually most hair lengths.
Film and Tv
This month like the past I have caught that vicious fever that makes you only want to watch Netflix, all day every day. And my Netflix addiction this month has been The Vampire Diaries. I used to watch it but then didn't watch the new series' that were the telly so I missed a lot but now I have caught up on them and I can safely say they are amazing! I cannot believed Damon died - sorry spoiler alert- I knew but I forgot and then it happened and I was like 'woah tvd what are you doing', any who I suggested you watch it even if you already have, watch it again. Can I just note my previous obsession of le Netflix was Pretty Little Liars !! I just cant go into how good this tv series is, I am in love with it and also Cody Allen Christian I have also fell in love with, for those who watch the show, you know why I have but for those who don't, he is Aria's little brother Mike who, in my opinion, is H to the O to the T and he is so cute and romantic and dreamy and I just had to correct the last two words 'cause I was too busy daydreaming about Mike aka Cody.
If you like me writing stuff like this comment and tell me and I will do more! Tell me what you obsessions are this month, maybe you only drunk a certain drink, only took bubble baths or maybe you are crushing on a famous Hollywood actor who will be your husband one day, don't let anyone tear you down from that dream!!
Love yours truly
KatyNells xoxo
Music
I have been listening to Spotify over and over this month and my favourite playlists are;
- Afternoon Acoustic - This playlist is just so relaxing, light and peaceful. You can listen to it reading a bike, on the bus, driving, studying and even just lying on your bed, blanket, looking at the clouds. I have found three songs that I absolutely adore and they are called;
- Bloom - The Paper Kites
- Home/Dirty Paws - Gardiner Sisters
- Mykonos - Fleet Foxes
I have also been obsessed with an artist called Zella Day. I love her songs. Her voice is amazing and every time I listen to any of songs I just picture running on a beach or traveling the world, especially when I listen to 'East Of Eden'. Also I have already decided my first dance song at my wedding, sorry Dylan O'Brien my beautiful future husband but you will not have a say in it. It will be '1965' by Zella Day, this song is just fantabulously beautiful, its so romantic, my favourite line is 'Cut like diamonds we were made to last' I just get shivers every time I hear this song. So make this artist big, her talent is too good to be wasted and not be known.
Books
So I have just finished The Scorch Trials, and like I said in my other post about The Maze Runner READ IT ! Honestly I was on edge wondering what was going to happen and when certain stuff happened I was shocked, I didn't want to put it down, I have even printed a pic of mister Dylan and placed it on my wall 'cause why not? A lot of teenage girls do it so don't judge hahaha but yeah I don't want to spoil it but all I can say is I cannot wait for the film, its put in to my calendar not going to lie, and yes I will be in university when it comes out, I will be a mature, responsible adult buying and cooking my own food, washing my own clothes, doing a degree but I am going to put all that on hold to see the masterpiece of the film in the trilogy. So if you haven't got anything from that paragraph, 1. Buy The Maze Runner books 2. Read them, religiously 3. Buy the dvd and watch the film 4. Watch the film again as there is never too many times to watch it and 5. Go and see The Scorch Trials when it comes out in the cinema --- That's not to hard :)
Lifestyle
Now I have been eating healthier this month, by cutting out crisps and that's it because I saw some chocolate and I was like "me is going to have a piece of that", and I have had waffles nearly every single day, but I did eat them with strawberries so it was a healthy snack, in my eyes anyway, but I have wanted to do the '30 Day Squat' challenge ever since two years ago so I thought the next 30 days are going to pass me no matter what I do so just do it, so I am currently on day 8 of the challenge and I have to do 50 squats which isn't too bad as yesterday I had to do 90 which was a killer, also along side of it I have been doing the '30 Day Abs' challenge and I am on the 8th day but its a rest day so its okay. Now the exercises which you have to are hard well I find the plank hard, its just difficult for me but I have been getting better at it over the week so hopefully in three weeks I will be a master. If you want to better yourself or just want to see if you can stick at something you can get the apps from the app store (I don't know about android phones as I have an iPhone) so download them, try them and you will be amazed at how much you can do and how much you are willing to push yourself to achieve a goal.
Skin
I have been obsessed at moisturizing my skin this week as my eczema is really bad as of the cold weather, so I have been using prescription creams mainly double base and hydrocortisone, to try and calm it down a bit then I have been putting a cocoa body butter from the Body Shop on my face and over some bad eczema patches, and for my whole body I have been using this coconut lotion that I bought from body care, its from Inecto and is called the 'Pure Coconut moisture replenishing body lotion' for me it works and smells gorgeous. And I have been putting on Bio Oil/Rescue Oil onto my scars, and also on my thighs where there are tiny stretch marks, also I have been applying it to my bum to give it moisture, and look smooth and not rough, I know that sounds weird but it sounds right to me if you catch my drift ? Also because of the weather my lips are super dry and keep cracking, and it doesn't help the fact that I had a cold sore developing on my lip and so I prevented it by using cold sore cream and it went straight away, any way to keep my lips from cracking I have been using a mixture of Nivea's lip butters in the raspberry rose, caramel cream and the original lip butter. They keep my lips moisturized, I can top my lips ups, its not sticky so its a good lip butter not to mention they smell gorgeous and the caramel cream reminds me of toffee popcorn.
Hair
This month I have been obsessed with having half of my hair up tied in to a messy bun and half of it down either curled or straight, this style looks goods, doesn't take long to do so can be done in those school rushed mornings. Its good for long length and medium length, I know because my hair was down to my ass and it was so long I loved it but then I got probably round about 6 inches off, and now it goes just past my shoulder blades, most of you are thinking 'omg why get your hair cut' but I have to say there is a story behind it, but that's for another post, however its more manageable, and less knotty which makes my life tonnes more easier. Another style I have been using on repeat is having my fringe being plaited to the back of my head so it looks like I have half a plait crown. I cant explain it but there you go, again its easy to do in a rush, can do it in the toilets of school if you have had enough of the hairstyle you chose, on the bus waiting in line, you don't really need a mirror for it and its easy to do and can be done for virtually most hair lengths.
Film and Tv
This month like the past I have caught that vicious fever that makes you only want to watch Netflix, all day every day. And my Netflix addiction this month has been The Vampire Diaries. I used to watch it but then didn't watch the new series' that were the telly so I missed a lot but now I have caught up on them and I can safely say they are amazing! I cannot believed Damon died - sorry spoiler alert- I knew but I forgot and then it happened and I was like 'woah tvd what are you doing', any who I suggested you watch it even if you already have, watch it again. Can I just note my previous obsession of le Netflix was Pretty Little Liars !! I just cant go into how good this tv series is, I am in love with it and also Cody Allen Christian I have also fell in love with, for those who watch the show, you know why I have but for those who don't, he is Aria's little brother Mike who, in my opinion, is H to the O to the T and he is so cute and romantic and dreamy and I just had to correct the last two words 'cause I was too busy daydreaming about Mike aka Cody.
If you like me writing stuff like this comment and tell me and I will do more! Tell me what you obsessions are this month, maybe you only drunk a certain drink, only took bubble baths or maybe you are crushing on a famous Hollywood actor who will be your husband one day, don't let anyone tear you down from that dream!!
Love yours truly
KatyNells xoxo
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